Welcome to Ljubljana, Slovenia. Where horse is the local dish. I’m not a frequent horse eater nor a horse rider, to be honest I’m not even a big meat eater but I do adopt a ‘when in Rome’ attitude, particularly when travelling. So here I found myself, in the quaint medieval town of Ljubljana (pronounced ‘loo-blee-arna’, say it out loud it’s so phonetically satisfying) queuing up at Hot Horse, the Slovenian fast food chain trying to decide which horse meal deal I was going to go for.
The small regular horse burger?
I presume this is what most small regular folk order.
The horse salad?
I don’t want to be friends with people who order this, these two words shouldn’t hang out…ever.
The MEGA HORSE burger?
I presume macho men order this one.
Or the horse baguette? Oui oui, said no one ever.
They definitely have their regions covered, I just really really hope that horse pasta and horse sushi won’t be dropping next year.
The concept of eating horse meat in general is a funny one. Aside from horse meat being just… kind… of… random, it also skirts around the ethics as to what is deemed socially and ethically ok to eat. Regardless of the ‘when in Rome’ excuse, there’s definitely a line.
Beef, lamb, poultry and most fish are pretty much widely accepted as ‘ok’. While the suggestion of tucking in to dolphin, lassie, anything orphaned, one legged or baby anything is firmly rooted in the ‘not ok’ camp. Like, you totally can’t sit with us type deal!
Horses are an ambiguous one, they’re not quite man’s best friend like canines are but at the same time we’ve all been watching an historical war movie engrossed in a bloody battle scene and witnessed a horse get taken out as collateral and our hearts have broken for the poor little horsey. Even military figures are commemorated as statues astride their horses.
The idea of chowing down on horse meat seems more like something we would do out of absolute necessity rather than culinary curiosity. It’s the sort of ethical dilemma Clint Eastwood or John Wayne would have faced. Chased for miles across the plains by ruthless barbarians, forced to seek refuge in a hidden cave, waiting it out for weeks and weeks without food, finally forced to accept the brutal reality that he must kill and devour his trusted steed, if he is to survive this predictable Hollywood western.
Juxtapose this with me, a ditzy millennial trying to decide which horse happy meal I’m going to get.
Order time: Turns out there is a macho man trapped inside me because I ended up going for the MEGA HORSE BURGER!!!
*pigeons scatter*
The small regular was sold out.
It was an unremarkable looking burger, two thick patties that overhung the bun on each side with not much else. I needed two hands to hold it, so it was aptly named. I don’t know what I expected it to taste like, maybe gamey, steaky, greasy, guilty, something akin to venison perhaps?
It tasted more like beef than chicken, had the richness of duck and that generic coronary fast food taste that probably masked the true flavor considerably. It’s not a great description but in my defense I was battling mega man cold at the time and my taste buds were off key. I do have a friend who has tried horse steak and I think this is probably a better litmus test for true flavor, but for now I can go out into the wide world, feeling cultured af having tried horse.
Verdict: 6/10 would try again…especially if dying in a cave.